Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
