Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
