You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
