i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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