he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
