i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize
