I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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