that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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