try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
