i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
