Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
