I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
