Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
