Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
