your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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