You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
