ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
