I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
