Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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