Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
