it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
