he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
