i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
he laminated a picture of his dick.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
