is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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