There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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