Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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