Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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