Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
