gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
