I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
