I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
