My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
