Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
