tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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