He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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