Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
These tits shall not be calmed
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
