My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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