I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Sorry about my life...
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
How naked do you want me to be?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
