I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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