Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
