every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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