I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
