Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
