saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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