Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
