I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
