Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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