Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
