The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
