i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
