I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i will never coherently bang her
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
